explanation?

Every day your not here with us it tears my heart in two. It's so hard to go day by day neither seeing your smile nor hearing you laugh. I still dont understand why it had to be this way you had a family. You had a little girl who loved you so much. She was so sad when she got the news. She didn't know where to run to. She didn't know what to do. Shes never cried so hard in her life. The day of the funeral her eyes were stained with tears from the many nights before. She got through the service not holding back the tears but it seemed she had cried all of them over the past three days. They took you out to your "final resting place," they lowered your coffin into the ground. The only thing she could think about was that this couldn't be the end. She wanted to run. She wanted to just get away, but it's like her feet were part of the ground, she couldn't move. She wanted to turn back time and sacrafice herself to save you. For almost a month after that horrible day she would come home, lie down on her bed, and talk to you. Its like you were the best friend she could never touch, never hug, and never kiss goodbye again. You would sit there in silence but she knew you were listening. Sometimes she could still hear your laugh and see you smiling at her. she could feel you hug her. She wanted to be able to see you. She wanted to be able to see you. She wanted to visit your grave but she didn't think it would help. People said it was stupid to talk to "noone" but she knew you were listening. Then one day she questioned that. She didnt talk to you for week's to see if you really did listen to her. Nothing changed. Everything was the same. She then fell into depression. She didn't think anyone listened to her. She finally realized that people did care and that people do listen. That troubled girl talks to you now and again. Once again she can see you smiling at her, hear you laugh and can feel you hugging me goodbye. She has never gotten completely over it but its getting better.

That little troubled girl is me.

*In honor and dedicated to Richard Carnahan. Always remembered and loved.*